Our Next Thrilling Production!

The Desperate Food Thieves Catering Company
in association with
Bemused Production Absurdities
are pleased to present
The Sanity Suspect Players
in
“Weir and Clothing in Los Tapas”

A thrilling tale of the little-known town of Los Tapas and its struggle to be recognised as a fashion-and-dam-building centre on the Nullarbor Plain. Chill to below zero desert temperatures at night! Thrill to the challenges of building dams out of crackers and antipasto! Frill at our once-in-a-lifetime offer of hand-crafted clothing made from well-aged Spam and cereal box tops! Till your own field by going to see –

“Weir and Clothing in Los Tapas”

Will you miss out?

Featuring

John Gee-Gosh-Golly as the naïve contractor (who as an engineer makes a very good belly dancer)

Egan Ham as the belligerent town spokesman (doubling as a sandwich at intermission)

And introducing:

Sherlock Aloysius Haughton as the pompous Lord-Of-All-Creation

“Reminiscent of Jeffrey Archer¹ at his best” – our publicity department.

“If you make me sit on a (running) washing machine in a white-goods warehouse again, I’ll never review your plays this side of Rapture!” – Pretend critic service.

“Goody! More stolen hubcaps!” – the cleaner.

Appearing at a water feature near you! (A sink)

“Weir and Clothing in Los Tapas”

The Desperate Food Thieves Catering Company in association with Bemused Production Absurdities present “Weir and Clothing in Los Tapas”, starring the Sanity Suspect Players. Casting by the remaining crew members of the HMS Muffy, a British vessel found sailing around Cape Horn several times a day just for the fun of it (thought to be lost at sea). All Rights Reserved, because we have to.

¹ Not the world-renowned novelist and all-round “interesting” personality, but the 16th century playwright who specialised in the dramatisation of the filling out of taxation forms. Sadly his writing career (2 days, 3 hours) was cut tragically short with the inception of the very first help desk in 1532 which serviced the needs of the illiterate and just plain unable by abolishing taxation and bureaucratic forms for the great unwashed until the 20th century.

Excerpt - Cafeteria of the Mind 2

ACT I

Scene i

A tea room, deserted, with over-flowing bins and rubbish on the floor.

Enter the Stolen Sandwich, singing, the tune is whatever comes to mind at the time.

Sandwich:
Oh woe! I can never escape,
The evil man’s grasp-
All I’ll ever have time for
Is one…last…gasp!
He caught me so easily,
Gifted in thievery,
And now all I ne-e-e-d
Is for someone to he-e-e-d-
To win the audience o-o-o-o-over
With my heartfelt rendition
Of theft and perdition
Of being the victim of a victimless crime,
Oh if only I had more, yes more, time!

[stops as door opens, ducks behind nearest chair as the Girl enters]

Girl:
Oh woe! I can never escape,
The chains of my past!
Of hoping I’d grilled up
And toasted my last!
But now there’s a villain-

[Sandwich pops up from behind chair]

Sandwich:
A villain?

Girl:
-yes a villain,
Who wears a horrible mask!
He appears invisible-
(The premise seems risible)
He steals food and scoffs it,
Even the crumbs to the last!
Oh it’s a horrible thing,

Sandwich:
Yes, a horrible thing,

Girl:
I don’t want to sing,

Sandwich:
There’s no choice, that’s the thing!

Girl:
Oh please let me fling-

Sandwich:
What terrible rhy-ming!

Girl:
This horrible lifestyle, awa-a-a-ay!

Together:
Oh woe! We can never escape
The evil man’s grasp-
And now all we ne-e-e-d
Is for someone to he-e-e-d-
To win the audience o-o-o-o-over
With our heartfelt rendition
Of theft and perdition
Of being the victims of victimless crime,
Oh if only we had more, yes more, time!

[They embrace as the stage darkens, to the tune of “The Liberty Bell”]

The Cafeteria of the Mind

The Desperate Food Thieves Catering Company
in association with
Bemused Production Absurdities
are pleased to present
The Sanity Suspect Players
in
“The Cafeteria of the Mind”
A thrilling tale of singing, true loves, escapes, theft and museums. Will the villain prevail? Will the wise-cracking, freedom-loving and somehow perfectly preserved sandwich escape into the arms of his dewy-eyed love? Will his love realise her dream of singing on Broadway and becoming a bottle-cap museum curator, despite her handicaps of tone deafness and bottle cap phobia? Will the Desperate Food Thieves ever stop creating menus? For the answer to all of these questions, you’ll just have to see
“The Cafeteria of the Mind”
presented in 12 ½ acts.

Featuring:

Brevilly Hillbilly as the girl (and sometime toaster oven)

Iva Tycoon as the horrifying villain (and occasional lumberjack)

Egan Ham as the stolen sandwich

And a special appearance by:

The Desperate Food Thieves Catering Company Diversion Service as the Chorus


“The theatre event of the year” – Pretend critic service.

“A cracker! I’d see it again – but only if they stop serving stolen hubcaps at intermission!” – someone we stopped on the street.

Don’t miss this once in a lifetime event – appearing at a refrigerator door near you!

One weekend only!

“The Cafeteria of the Mind”


The Desperate Food Thieves Catering Company in association with Bemused Production Absurdities present “The Cafeteria of the Mind”. Starring the Sanity Suspect Players. A division of No Real Idea What’s Going On Productions. Casting by the Vigilante Mob of Stolen Food Against Food Theft. All Rights Reserved at a lovely corner table recommended by our cleaner.